In oncology nursing we talk regularly about compassion fatigue–when your caring of really sick and terminal patients begins to take a toll on you as the caregiver that you become unable to doll out the compassion and care you normally would be able to give. You find yourself having little emotional outbursts, not wanting to get involved, feeling more depressed and triggered by loss, and just unhappy in general, especially at work. And so very much of this compassion fatigue is rooted in letting others needs take over your life to the point that you have completely neglected the fine art of ongoing, authentic self care. I have been caught in this trap and unable to recover until I pull away and get some perspective and learn that leaving on time to go home to my family is more important for all then working my ass off in a job that can literally suck the life out of me.
Which brings me to my current area of fatigue–mommy fatigue. This morning I dropped Audrey off at Michelene’s (which is so wonderfully convenient being two blocks away) and I practically sprinted to my car to be on the road to work with glee oozing out of me. FREEDOM!
I have spent the last four days with that little girl and for the most part she is utterly delightful, surprising me all the time with her brilliance. But there are other times where she is learning to be rude, disrespectful and unkind. The time out chair is now permanently in the corner by the piano and her little butt is planted there what seems like every two hours or less. I even had to take her out of a store yesterday and plant her on the curb and gave her a good talkin’ to.
I am so glad I work on days like today. Most of the time, I feel slight resentment that I am forced to work a part time job so that my family can have health care insurance. But not today, friends; today, I am glad to have a break from that little Audrey Anne.
My heart goes out to all you full-time mommy’s who don’t have a job to go to on days where you are feeling high levels of mommy fatigue. May you experience a new dose of strength, kindness, and patience for those children of yours. And may I suggest some good ol’ fashioned self care this evening…glass of wine, a walk bare foot on the beach, schedule a massage, take a bath.