I have realized that I have let time pass without announcing officially here on my blog some big news. Initially it took me by surprise and to say the least I was having a hard time being excited. But the idea has grown on me. I found out in February that I accidentally got pregnant. Oops. Wasn’t planning on that and wasn’t quite ready myself, but that is the way it has gone down. I am my mother’s daughter and we easily get pregnant–super fertile women.
It took me quite a few weeks, maybe even longer, before I could admit to myself I was pregnant. I was doing this weird denial thing and walking around and living my life like it wasn’t true. I was struggling with not being very excited about the idea of being pregnant again. And to be honest, it was mostly for reasons that concerned me: my weight, my internal world, starting a new job, ongoing grief and just feeling like my independence was just now returning to me. I really only told a few women who were helping me process, but didn’t even tell my ma or my sister.
It wasn’t until late March when I was in a pretty serious car collision that the news broke. I had to tell people so they could pray. I was only eight weeks pregnant at the time (wee little thing growing inside) and he/she seemed fragile, kind of like me. Since then, I have been more and more okay with the idea of having another baby and lately am catching myself even liking the idea of it. My belly is starting pop out a bit and I had my third ultrasound today and I saw the little one waving at me. The long legs were swimming around and I could probably count all those amazing ribs. The heart was flutter flutter and I could even make out a little button nose and sweet lips. Kind of amazing to watch that on a big screen right next to you. It was one of the more rather pleasant ultrasound experiences I have ever had and let me tell you, I have had some very unpleasant ones (aka: trans*fucking*vaginal ultrasounds as me and my eloquent husband like to call it).
Excitement is growing within me to meet this little one. And the technician performing the ultrasound said she had a hunch on the sex of the baby. Ooooh, I was so tempted. Maybe at the next one. 
So may I joyfully announce the upcoming arrival of our next “bean”—Vanilla Bean. [Explanation: when Audrey was in my womb, we didn't know if it was a girl or a boy. So over time, the little baby got the nick name, Coco. As in Coco Chanel. And then that gradually changed to Cocoa Bean. So we thought it would be fun to nickname this one Vanilla Bean.]
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This is a little tradition of ours, taking a photo right after we read the pregnancy test. You can read a lot in our faces and deep within our eyes if you closely.
Vanilla Bean will be arriving sometime in early November.
I am currently 16 weeks!