Tonight I stood among women, women who are gifted leaders in the Vineyard movement, and I felt honored.
How did I end up here? How did I land in this place? Looking back on the larger segments of my life, it is quite remarkable that I have come to find a home, a family within the Vineyard. And not just any Vineyard church (because I hate to break it to you; they are not all the same), but this Vineyard. This beloved home where I have such remarkable matriarchs that I look up to and receive blessing from. I grew up in the Foursquare movement, spent some time in a strange, not so theologically sound Pentecostal church in college, and then for whatever reason I picked Chicago to move to after college because Adey recommended Cheryll as one of the best therapists she knew. I was in search of a new church home where I could be cared for while I delved into old and locked places of myself that mostly related to my life growing up in my family. So I moved to Evanston, Illinois, not knowing a soul except that Cheryll was a good counselor and I stuck myself there. I originally thought I would be in Chicago for just a few years and then off I would go on my next big adventure, whatever that may be. But as most of you know, that was almost eight years ago and here I still stick.
So tonight, I was thoroughly delighted to hear women teach me some profound insights they have had over the past few years of searching out the topic of women in leadership. I have thought, processed, fought, read, studied this topic over the past 10 years and it is close to my heart. And I think I am even more passionate about than most because I have been “shhh’d” by one too many men thus locking up my voice, my potential and my power as women leader in the Kingdom. For awhile there, I would call myself (this is all in retrospect, of course) “an unhealed feminist”. Very edgy and angsty and it was a sheer justice issue for me.
Well, tonight. We talked of something different. A whole new paradigm for me to live under and out of and it so fits with the parts of my femininity I feel God has been healing and mending over the years. I also felt so darn blessed to be in on this watershed moment, as Cindy put it. I love being on the edge, the outskirts of God’s Kingdom advancing into new territory. I won’t get into the nitty-gritty of what was discussed and I am not sure if I have fully wrapped my mind around the core concept of what was being presented, but I do know this: I am on board.
When these women talk, I listen and vibrate. I sit there in my chair and say yes, yes, yes! It feels as if the things they speak have been woven into the core of me since I was in the womb. It is part of my make up as a human and a spiritual being. In the end, Cindy, in her tender maternal voice, shared with us what she was committing herself to and what the next steps would be and I could not contain myself—I just smiled and smiled and smiled and was on the verge of laughing aloud. My heart felt so full of joy and thanksgiving that Jesus would lead me here. To this place, to this church, to this group of people, to this room, to this conference. In awe of where I have come and thrilled about where I am going.
I love the Vineyard. I really do. I can never leave it because the longer I am in the more I am woven into it. And the best part of it that the longer I am in it and experiencing it changing and transforming as God moves his Kingdom forward, I myself am being transformed along with it. And like I said, I am on board. Fully on board.