I bet not many of you can say that.
Today, I did.
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As I drove around the northwest outskirts of Chicago today, over rolling hills, through small woods, around scattered frozen lakes, I realized I like winter. I might even go as far to say, I love winter. There is a beauty to it that is often missed and simply overlooked.
I have discovered something quite curious. A trend, a pattern of sorts. For the past few years, I have begun to notice that my spiritual life deepens during the winter. Quite interesting, actually. When the buzz and chaos of the holidays is finally over and winter really begins to set in—I come alive! There must be a turning inward that happens, the way a pregnant woman or even dying man turns inward. Greater quietness, less interruption, increasing starkness. A bareness of sorts.
I feel myself opening up and pressing into something new with Jesus. And it is almost like he is breathing on me. That probably seems a little weird to a few of you. But I have felt like a frozen flower for some time, covered in snow. And his hot breath and warm hands are bringing me back. My color is breaking through the white packed snow. At the same time, I find that I need to be looking for Jesus in times like winter. Searching him out, keeping my eyes on the horizon for him.
Lately, I have been aware of some of the beauty of winter around me. The small iridescent blue berries in the evergreen bushes and the vibrant red berries hanging gracefully on the elegant rich brown branches of trees. I catch the intricacy and artwork in stunning snowflakes, a midimarvel. The bare black branches against the dusk sky. The slender trunks of elegant trees as I walk through the woods. The quietness of walking in snow, hush, hush. The color of the waters of the lake under a winter sky—teals, sea greens, aqua and grey mixed in every shade of blue. Root vegetables for supper. Homemade hot cocoa made with whole milk and dutched cocoa. The lovely shade of rose on a woman’s cheek after coming in from the cold air. Snow clumping to bushes, weighing them down. The sun setting at 4:30pm, casting sharp lines of rusty orange light. Have you looked around for the beauty of winter lately? You might be surprised to find Jesus among the beauty.
Recently I was reminded of another wonderful thing about winter: SPRING WILL COME! It always does. We mope about, eyes downcast unable to see 2 feet in front of us, consumed by the miserableness of winter. And we forget that Spring will come! Yeap. The crocuses will be the first to pop their heads through the frost. And then we will see the buds of green little coils, tightly wrapped leaves, waiting for their cue. And then daffodils, tulips, hyacinths. Ooooohhh! Spring will come! Have you ever known a winter where Spring did not come? I haven’t.
This speaks volumes to my heart about the nature of hope. I led a bible study series on The Hope of Heaven and I remember having an interesting conversation on the subject of Biblical hope vs. how we normally use the word hope. “I hope the Cubs win the World Series this year.” “I hope I win the lottery.” “I hope I can get the day off so I can go to the concert this Friday.” You get the idea. Hope is wishful thinking. A better word really is “wish”. It’s a longing, a nice idea, something I want to happen. Biblical hope is entirely different. It correlates very closely to the very idea I mentioned above: SPRING WILL COME! There is a confident knowledge that yes, Spring, will happen. There is very little doubt that it won’t. You can count on it. That, my friends, is Biblical hope.
God reminded me of this awhile back when I was walking through Lions Woods. Many of you know some of my story of this past year and the deep sorrow I have known in my family. My flower has been buried beneath many feet of snow, seeming to me to stay there for the next ice age. I was buried in grief, bouts of depression, and much sorrow. I didn’t think I would ever come out of it. As I was walking that day, I heard God say to me, “Shanel, see the winter around you. It will come to an end. SPRING WILL COME!” And my heart cracked open and I believed him. Hope began to grow in my heart and has been taking root. And more recently, my flower busted through the snow and popped her head out, transformed in strength and beauty.
Spring is coming to me, my friends.
Hope is growing in my heart.
God never leaves me in winter.
I leave you with the lyrics of a song by Andi and I…
“Autumn’s fallen winter’s crawling down black limbs
Sprawling across a gray slate sky
As the last sigh of summer green
is crumbling to brown and coming down around my face…”
